Amazon’s The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power continues to anger Tolkien fans, bore and bewilder the general audience, while simultaneously catering to a minority of Faulkiens (faux Tolkien fans). The show’s writing is so egregiously horrendous that it ignores everything Tolkien created in Middle-earth so that the writers could create their own canon. However, the writers’ lack of talent is evident since they cannot even adhere to their own made-up canon to begin with. That includes the show’s main draw – Galadriel.
From the start of The Rings of Power, Galadriel was built up to be a character that is a warrior who is physically strong and exceptionally skillful with weapons. But this depiction of a beloved character is one of the worst things about The Rings of Power. Especially as to how dissimilar they made their version of Galadriel to Tolkien’s character. The Rings of Power’s Galadriel is, despite the mental gymnastics Faulkiens performs in order to say otherwise, anti-Galadriel, anti-Tolkien, and anti-woman.
However, the show stuck to their version of Galadriel as being an uber warrior and the Faulkiens ate it up. Everyone else? Not so much. It was ludicrous to see her dispatching an ice troll with ease while her comrades struggled. Viewers groaned at the poorly choreographed fight scene involving Galadriel and the Númenórean prison guards and how she was, somehow, able to overpower men twice her size with such ease and…grace. Yet, her displays of strength and combat ability didn’t stop there. She also helped train recruits for the Númenóreans. And, of course, she can kill orcs easily.
However, despite her incredible strength, ability, cunning, and prowess of arms she has a weakness. Not just a weakness, but a form of kryptonite that negates all of her strength and abilities. So what is Galadriel’s kryptonite? Is it some kind of crystal that drains her strength like Superman? A spell that weakens her? Some form of shackles that are magically enchanted or enhanced? Or is it simply a foe that overpowers her?
No, it isn’t Sauron or Elrond’s kiss.
The answer will surprise you.
It’s the touch of an orc.
Orcs, who are physically inferior to elves and men. Which is why they must fight in such overwhelmingly large numbers despite what The Rings of Power fails to properly show and barely imply. It is truly a wonder at how the writers decided that an orc’s touch would have such a devastating effect on Galadriel. That the touch of an orc would suddenly weaken her and render her powerless to fight back. Especially when orcs are physically inferior to elves and men.
Obviously, the writers didn’t think to adhere to their own canon and the character they corrupted into being a Mary Sue that is a magically impotent brute compared to the real Galadriel. How is it that a woman who can kill an ice troll by herself and fight off men twice her size with ease suddenly turned into a damsel in distress at the touch of an orc?
It’s absolutely ludicrous to think that two orcs are able to handle this paragon of elven strength and military prowess. Such an odd choice of kryptonite for The Rings of Power’s Galadriel.
But it shouldn’t be surprising since the show’s writers have displayed time and time again a penchant for writing something into a scene because they think it is good, or cool, or will get reactions. Doesn’t matter if it fails to make sense, sticks to their own canon, or is completely illogical. Adar’s white orcs are an example of this as the writers are insinuating that Tolkien was racist.
So remember, if you want to defeat Galadriel, have a couple of orcs ready to grab her before she can subdue you with her superior strength or impale you on the point of her sword because she is a master swordsman.
However, in case you forget this, I have written a short little poem which is also on YouTube and narrated by an AI voice from ElevenLabs.
Galadriel’s Kryptonite and Follies
This Galadriel is full of vigor and might,
But a simple orc’s touch is her kryptonite.
For when contact is made, her fears comes to light,
For the touch of an orc drains all of her might.
She’s magically impotent, yet brutishly strong,
Until an orc grabs her by the arm.
She can kill a troll, beat up a man,
Until an orc grabs her dainty sword hand.
Sword skills unmatched, so the Númenóreans recount,
Yet an orc’s touch makes that all for nought.
She slays orcs by the dozen, of this have no doubt,
But the touch of an orc makes the Valar’s light go out.
Her husband is “dead”, so we have been told,
All for a fling with Sauron the Dark Lord.
This isn’t Galadriel, too much of a man,
Suffice to say this Galadriel is truly a sham.
How could she be, the savior of Middle-earth,
When an orc’s touch renders her skills inert.
Make no mistake, for this is not her,
And fans of Tolkien laugh out loud with mirth.
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