Back in June 2012 I wrote a rough draft for a short story about a man being hunted by a vampire and posted it on the MyIGN blogs when they existed. It is a standalone story for a series of vampire novels I had envisioned. So it was an attempt to get my feet wet and be a way to flesh out the world a bit. With ChatGPT being a thing, I decided to feed the original short story to the chatbot and ask its opinion. Then I decided to see what it would come up with as its own story. Which is the purpose of ChatGPT and Me. So what did ChatGPT think of my rough draft for ‘Hunted Under the Light of the Moon?’ Scroll to the bottom to find out.
And I’ll be publishing a series of posts of what ChatGPT wrote when I asked it to re-write my short story.
Hunted Under the Light of the Moon
Jonas’s eyes flew open as he felt a boot kick him in the stomach, knocking the wind right out. Letting a small gasp escape he sat up, feeling a little groggy, and tried to take in his surroundings which were made difficult because his head was swimming.
As he started to catch his breath, Jonas felt a sharp pain on the side of his neck. Immediately his heart started to pound fast as an adrenaline rush kicked in. He remembered hearing a voice say something, off to his side, as he was unlocking his car after leaving the bar. But before he could see the source of that voice, he had felt a sharp pain in his neck and had immediately blacked out.
Now Jonas was starting to think clearly and began to survey his surroundings when he heard a quiet voice say, “Good. The adrenaline will chase away the last of the sedative I injected you with. Wouldn’t want things to be too easy.”
This last statement was followed by a low, menacing laugh. Following the laughter to its source, Jonas spotted a shadowy silhouette leaning against the trunk of a large tree. In fact, Jonas noted, he was in a forest, at night, with a full moon shining down on the clearing which both he and this stranger were in.
Jonas jumped to his feet, faced the stranger, and demanded, “Who the hell are you and where am I!?”
Without acknowledging his questions the stranger slowly and nonchalantly said, “You will have a ninety minute head start before I come after you. If you can make it to sunrise then you will be safe. But if I catch up to you, then you will die.”
Jonas felt a chill go up his spine as he listened to what the stranger said. If anyone else had said that to him, at any other time, he would have laughed it off as the ravings of a madman. But this was different. This man repeated it as if he had said it many times before. There was no threat in the man’s voice, just a hint of boredom as if this man didn’t expect Jonas to provide much sport or be a threat.
As Jonas stood there, the man stopped leaning on the tree and walked into the clearing where the moon light was stronger. The stranger, he observed, had dark, shoulder length hair, a pasty complexion, and a wiry frame. His garb was strange. As if he was wearing hunter garb that belonged to a Persian hunter during the start of the Persian empire. But his eyes…they were two pools of night as they watched him.
And they were the eyes of a predator.
Finally seeing this man who had assaulted him, Jonas considered his chances of overpowering the stranger. The man was thin and five foot ten inches compared to Jonas’s five foot eight inches and 220 pounds of solid muscle.
As the stranger moved within a foot of Jonas he decided to take a chance. Without warning, Jonas took a swing at the stranger, aiming for the man’s throat to crush his windpipe. But instead of hitting his target, Jonas’s fist only met air as the stranger, with lightning speed, dodged out of the way, stopped behind Jonas, and pinned Jonas’s arms behind his back. Surprised by the impossible speed and wiry strength of this man, Jonas could do nothing to escape.
Once again, in that nonchalant tone, the stranger, right by Jonas’s ear, said, “Run.” As he let Jonas go the man added, “Run Jonas. For I, Darius, am coming for you.”
This time Jonas didn’t hesitate. Immediately he ran off into the woods as fast as he could until he felt he was out of range of the stranger’s hearing and eyesight. Once he was far enough he slowed his running to a jog. Let the man think he had panicked and taken off at breakneck speed. If his ruse was successful, then the stranger would assume that Jonas would be tired after running at a full tilt for an hour.
While he jogged, Jonas started to think about what had just transpired. This man, Darius, was serious about killing him. Of that Jonas was certain. The man was fast and, despite his wiry frame, deceptively strong. Given how effortlessly Darius had held him Jonas knew that his attacker was somehow stronger than himself. Not only that, but he had smelled the scent of blood on Darius’s breath as he had talked into his ear.
What kind of man had the smell of blood on his breath?
Looking at his wristwatch, Jonas saw that it was 3:40 am. He had been running for at least ten minutes which meant that at five o’clock, Darius would start to hunt him down. Given the time of year sunrise would be at 6, which meant that he would have to survive for about an hour if Darius could be trusted to keep his word.
As Jonas continued to jog through the forest his training took over. He was a big game hunter and knew how to handle himself. Thanks to the full moon he was able to see where he was going and, while jogging away from the clearing, he took stock of what he had. Surprisingly, Darius hadn’t searched and divested him of his belongings as Jonas found out when he discovered, in his blue jeans, that his six inch pocket knife, as well as the two push daggers he kept hidden, were still there along with his wallet and keys. In his black lightweight jacket, which covered a white shirt, he found a small roll of fishing line that he had forgotten to take out, and a lighter.
Not much to work with. But it would have to do.
For a full hour Jonas ran through the forest of which there seemed to be no end to. No matter how far he ran there were still trees in every direction and, all the while, the light of the full moon illuminated his path. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and the entire forest was deathly quiet which, along with the man Darius, was very disturbing. It was as if every creature in the forest was holding its breath and watching this hunt take place. But it wasn’t just that. There was a sense of fear that permeated throughout the forest.
Suddenly, he stopped by a large tree and started to grab a dozen small twigs that were four inches in length and an inch thick. Pulling out his knife he sharpened the ends of the sticks. When he had done that, he quickly knelt down and dug a shallow hole, slightly past the tree, in the ground 3 inches deep. He jammed the butts of the sharpened sticks into the bottom of the hole and camouflaged it.
Once that was done, Jonas looked around until he spotted a rock that weighed about ten pounds. Pulling out the fishing line he tied it around the rock and climbed up the tree until he found a branch about twelve feet up. Suspending the rock right above the large, camouflaged hole he had just created, Jonas ran the wire from the rock, down the trunk of the tree, over the hole, and secured it to a branch that he had shoved into the ground that would be hidden by a small bush. With that done he set down a second trip wire at the base of the tree but before the hole and the first trip wire.
If things went well, Darius would trip over the first wire and fall into the hole while tripping the second trap which would result in the rock dropping on him. While they might not kill the man, they would surely slow him down through loss of blood and, hopefully, a couple of broken or fractured bones.
Covering up his tracks around the area, except for the ones leading past the tree, Jonas continued on while looking at his watch. It was now 4:50am and Darius would begin to track him in ten minutes.
Jonas jogged, conscious of the time slowly ticking away. But unless Darius could track him with supernaturally sharp eyesight and senses, not to mention taking into account the distance that he had traveled at a jog, Darius would have a hard time following his tracks at the same pace. But all of this didn’t make sense. Even if Darius could track and travel at the same pace that Jonas had been jogging, then Darius would only be able to reach him around 6:30 am: a full thirty minutes after sunrise. How would he be able to catch up?
It was 5:00 am now and Jonas stopped. With the light of the full moon off in the west to help him, he located and collected three straight branches about five feet long. Pulling out his knife, he cut a deep groove into each of them on one end. Taking out his push daggers he inserted them into the grooves and secured them to the branches with the fishing line.
With these two spears finished Jonas began to make the third one using his knife as the point. But as he was starting to make the last spear a loud shriek of pain shattered the unnatural silence. Horrified, Jonas looked at his watch. It was only 5:30 am! Somehow Darius had covered the distance in half the time it took Jonas to travel! What kind of man could track a person at night with such speed?
Without hesitation Jonas took off at full speed, his three spears in hand, trying to buy himself a couple more minutes. His confidence now turned to fear. How someone could move that fast at night was impossible.
And so Jonas ran. For a full ten minutes he ran as fast as he could. He ran in the same direction, in a straight line, only diverging to go around trees that would come up in his path. Then he saw a break in the trees and, before he knew it, he was in a clearing!
When he had gone just a couple feet away from the tree line Jonas stopped. He dropped his spears and pulled out his wallet. Quickly he pulled out whatever cash and receipts were in it, dropped them on the ground, and ran back into the forest. As fast as he could he grabbed an assortment of thin twigs and branches before running back to the pile. Quickly he lit the paper while building a crude tent of twigs and branches. Once the fire was well underway Jonas ran back to the tree line and, with the last of his fishing line, quickly set up a tripwire directly in front of the fire.
With that now done, Jonas quickly moved off into the tree line and downwind of the trap. With his heart pounding in his chest he stared at his watch. It was now 5:55am. Looking eastward Jonas saw that the sky was starting to brighten as the sun began to rise.
“You can’t trick me again Bloodsack,” Darius screamed at the top of his lungs.
Startled, Jonas looked around the tree he was hiding behind to see Darius standing just before the tripwire he had laid out. Jonas couldn’t believe it! Darius had not made a single sound as he had run through the forest and Jonas, who could move quietly himself, knew that this wasn’t any ordinary person. If a person this man was.
But it was all or nothing now and so, with his heart in his throat, Jonas stepped around the tree and threw the first spear. The second it left his hand he started running towards Darius. As the first spear struck Darius in the back, Jonas had thrown the second spear while covering half the distance between himself and this thing.
Darius quickly turned around once the first spear had hit him, only to have the second spear strike him dead center in the chest. Jonas, focused on reaching Darius, didn’t notice the dozen holes in his target’s blood-soaked shirt or the enraged and twisted expression on the thing’s face. What Jonas did notice were the large fangs in Darius’s mouth as he flashed them at Jonas.
But before it really registered with him, Jonas had tackled Darius and both of them fell back into the fire with Darius falling on his back directly into the flames with Jonas on top. With a roar of pain and rage Darius threw Jonas away from him and rolled off of the fire.
Jonas felt himself soaring through the air and finally fell on the ground with the wind knocked out of him. He noticed, while catching his breath, that the sky had become brighter. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Darius stand up, blood trickling out of his mouth with the broken shafts of his spears still stuck in him.
“Not bad Bloodsack,” Darius grudgingly gurgled as blood filled his mouth. “I am going to enjoy draining your blood. I haven’t had a hunt this good in a very long time.”
Fear fully engulfed Jonas as he saw the bloody and twisted sight of Darius coming at him. He brandished his last spear and tried to stab Darius once the monster had come into his range. But with inhuman speed Darius avoided the lunge and grabbed Jonas around the waist in a viselike grip.
“Well done Bloodsack,” Darius said. “You have hurt me quite a bit. But it is all for nothing. Once I drain your blood I will be healed. But take pride in the fact that none of my other prey ever lasted anywhere this long. Not since the first few years when I was first turned by the Father of all.”
Jonas’s fear gave way to acceptance as he discovered that he couldn’t fight his way out of such a strong grip. His arms were pinned by his side and all he could do was move his head. As he prepared to close his eyes in surrender, Jonas realized that he could see the sporadic rays of light.
Darius was oblivious to this fact. So focused was he on preparing to feed that he had forgotten what time it was.
As Darius lowered his head to sink his fangs into Jonas’s neck, Jonas felt a surge of defiance flow through him. Giving a loud cry of anger, he bent his head down and sank his own teeth into Darius’s neck and felt the metallic taste of blood fill his mouth. Immediately he pulled away, a chunk of flesh from Darius’s neck in his mouth, which elicited another scream of pain from Darius.
Luckily, Jonas had severed the jugular vein and, with Darius’s blood spurting out, he sunk his teeth in again and wouldn’t let go. He prayed that the myths were true, about sunlight, if Darius was indeed such a monster.
Then Jonas began to drain as much blood from Darius as he could. Despite the nausea he felt from gulping down that hot, metallic red liquid.
Jonas started to feel lightheaded as Darius continued to crush him.
Suddenly, he felt Darius’s body heat rise and the smell of burning flesh filled his nostrils mixing with the smell of blood. Opening his eyes, Jonas saw that the sunlight was shining through the trees.
As Jonas realized that the sunlight was killing this monster, Darius had pulled back and slightly released his grip on Jonas. But with every ounce of strength he could muster, Jonas returned the favor and grabbed Darius in a bear hug while still latched on to Darius’s neck.
“Let me go,” Darius screamed as he tried to escape from Jonas’s grasp. But it was too late. He was weak from all the blood loss he had sustained and the sunlight was burning him up.
Now it was Darius who was afraid. In the end the hunter had become the hunted. The light of the moon had given way to the light of the sun and, with the help of Jonas’s grip, sealed Darius’s fate.
Jonas himself was starting to black out now. His strength was finally starting to fade away. He pulled his mouth away from Darius’s neck but before he closed his eyes, he saw Darius burst into flame. With a smile, Jonas finally closed his eyes as the flames engulfed both of them.
And, in one last act of defiance, said, “Burn in hell.”
The End
So, what did ChatGPT have to say about my short story? When I asked it, “Can you tell me what you think of this rough draft I wrote” it replied,
“It’s an interesting start to a story! The main character, Jonas, is introduced to the reader through the action of being kicked and injected with a sedative. The stakes are quickly established as Jonas is told that he must outrun his attacker, Darius, in order to survive. The setting of a forest at night with a full moon adds to the tension and the supernatural elements hinted at with Darius’s unusual appearance and abilities. The pacing is good as well, with the introduction of the main conflict and the initial confrontation between Jonas and Darius happening in the first few paragraphs. Overall, it’s a promising start to a story and I’m curious to see where it goes from here.”
I then asked ChatGPT, “Do you have any suggestions for fleshing out the story?”
It answered,
“Here are a few ideas for fleshing out the story:
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Develop the characters: You might want to explore the backgrounds and motivations of both Jonas and Darius in more depth. What led Jonas to be at the bar that night? Why is Darius hunting him? What are their respective personalities like?
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Add more sensory details: To help immerse the reader in the story, consider adding more sensory details to the forest setting and the interactions between the characters. What does the forest look like? What does it smell like? How do Jonas’s and Darius’s movements and expressions convey their emotions and intentions?
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Establish the rules of the hunt: It’s clear that Darius is a skilled hunter, but it’s not clear what the rules of the hunt are or why Darius is hunting Jonas in the first place. Consider introducing these details to give the reader a better understanding of the stakes and how the hunt is supposed to play out.
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Explore the themes: What themes do you want to explore in the story? For example, you might want to consider themes of survival, the nature of good and evil, the blurred lines between predator and prey, or the question of whether people are capable of change.
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Add conflicts and complications: To make the story more engaging, consider adding conflicts and complications for Jonas to overcome as he tries to outrun Darius. These could be physical challenges, such as navigating the forest at night or dealing with injuries, or emotional challenges, such as dealing with fear or moral dilemmas.”
I agree with everything the AI said except for point number four. This is simply a story about a man being hunted by a vampire and trying to survive. There doesn’t necessarily need to be a theme behind it.
What immediately caught my attention with its replies was that ChatGPT didn’t seem to realize that Darius is a vampire. Though, to be fair, the word vampire is never mentioned once in the story. Even though there are clues to suggest that the antagonist is a vampire. Curious at this oversight on the AI’s part, I then asked it to write an outline for the story.
Sure, here’s a potential outline for “Hunted Under the Light of the Moon”:
- Introduction
- Jonas is assaulted and injected with a sedative
- Darius tells Jonas he has a 90-minute head start before the hunt begins
- Jonas runs into the forest
- Setting the scene
- Jonas jogs through the forest, trying to come up with a plan
- He notices that the forest is dark and eerie, with a full moon shining down on him
- He becomes aware of the sound of rustling leaves and snapping twigs behind him, indicating that Darius is already on his tail
III. Developing the characters
- Jonas reflects on his background and how he ended up in this situation
- He thinks about his attacker, Darius, and wonders about his motivations and abilities
- Darius is revealed to be a skilled hunter with supernatural powers, who has been hunting humans for centuries
- Rising action
- Jonas comes up with a plan to outsmart Darius and heads towards the river, hoping to use the water to mask his scent
- Darius proves to be a formidable opponent, always one step ahead of Jonas and able to anticipate his moves
- Jonas is forced to use all of his strength, cunning, and resourcefulness to survive
- Climax
- As dawn approaches, Jonas and Darius have a final confrontation
- Jonas is able to outmaneuver Darius and get the upper hand
- He is faced with a moral dilemma: should he kill Darius and end the cycle of hunting, or spare his life and risk being hunted again in the future?
- Resolution
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Jonas makes a decision and takes action
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The consequences of his decision play out, leading to a satisfying conclusion
After the outline, I went on to ask it to write its own version of the story to see what it would come up with. Which I will be releasing chapter-by-chapter over the next couple of days. One thing I would like to point in the outline is the final point of the Climax. ChatGPT added that Jonas faces a moral dilemma about whether or not to kill Darius and end the cycle of hunting. Why ChatGPT added that into the outline, when there was no moral dilemma in the original story, is interesting. But also a pattern that I have noticed when it comes to ChatGPT and story writing (a post for another day).
But what do you think about ChatGPT and the responses it gave me regarding my short story and requests?
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